Never Mind the Boathooks - our first game!
Father and son duo Robert and Austen Kime were recently introduced to Never Mind the Boathooks by author Andy Callan and co-conspirator Stephen Wood. Peter Harris also joined the game, and in this post, Austen provides a battle report on how he and Steve’s English fleet faired against Robert and Pete French.
Setup
The English Fleet
One Great Ship, Three Cogs, One Rowbarge, and Two Skiffs.
Great Ship - “Sun-In-Splendour of London”, captained by Harry Hotspur, heroic leader (18 Men-At-Arms (Henceforth MAA for sanity purposes and 22 archers) One Chonky Boy.
Cog One – “Green Dragon of Gravesend” captained by Andy Callan, Lord Bingham, a normal leader (twelve archers and twelve MAA).
Cog Two – “White Lion of Whitstable” captained by Eric Diehard, a heroic leader (twelve archers and twelve Billmen).
Cog Three – “White Hart of Winchelsea” captained by Danny Rose, a normal leader (twelve archers and twelve Billmen).
Rowbarge – “Red Bull Rampage” captained by Austen De Sheffield, a normal leader (six Archers and six Billmen).
Two Skiffs (three Archers and three Billmen).
For the purpose of the game, the English very much outnumbered the French and it was a foregone conclusion with Steve’s Fantastic Sun-In-Splendour on the board.
I commanded the Green Dragon, White Lion, Red Bull Rampage, and two Skiffs, whilst Steve took the Bismarck Sun-In-Splendour, White Hart, and half of the population of the English Coast Line … (Sorry Dad!)
The French Fleet
Three Cogs, Two Galleys, and Two Skiffs.
Cog One– “Fleury De Lys” captained by Cpt. Roquefort (terribly stinky chap!), a normal general (twelve MAA, twelve Archers, and two Turkish “Gonnes” of varying calibre).
Cog Two – “Saint Dennis” captained by Cpt. Limousin, a normal general (twelve MAA, twelve Archers, and one Turkish Gonne).
Cog Three – “Tours Blanche” captained by Cpt. Vachequirit, whose level I didn’t catch (twelve MAA, twelve Archers, and one Turkish Gonne).
Galley One – “Etoile d’Hors” captained by Cpt. Reblochon (six Archers, twelve Billmen, and a Turkish Gonne).
Galley Two – “Couronne D’Ors” captained Cpt. Crottin (six Archers, twelve Billmen, and a Turkish Gonne).
Two Skiffs (three Archers and three Billmen).
It became quickly apparent during setup that the English vastly outnumbered the French in terms of men on the boats so Andy descended his hand of pity and packed every French sailor and his cabin boy with artillery to even the score.
Deployment
Firstly we diced for the location of the battle and wind direction/strength, ending up with a southerly fresh wind and fighting off the coast of France.
The English Fleet
Sun-In-Splendour far left, White Hart left, Red Bull Rampage right, and Green Dragon far right.
The French Fleet
Tours Blanche far right, Saint Dennis right, Fleury De Lys centre, Couronne D’Ors left, Etoile D’Ors far left.
The Skiffs would come on when the skirmisher cards for their respective teams were pulled. The same went for the White Lion if his card was pulled during turn one, or automatically turn two as it was the last card in the pack during deployment. Turn One then began!
Turn 1
The Fleury De Lys (Froggy Flagship) was first off the mark “reaching” forward to challenge Steve’s behemoth, Sun-In-Splendour, the French crossbows felling one English longbowman in the Fo'c'sle.
The White Lion’s card came up in which she arrived between the Red Bull and the White Hart. The first bonus card arrived won by the English (getting us a nifty re-roll!)
The Green Dragon, reaching forwards, turned and let loose on the plucky Frenchmen aboard the Fleury De Lys but shocking rolling on my part saw immediate use of the re-roll bonus card. For a grand total of one dead French archer, falling to the seas below.
There then followed a pattern – the Couronne D’Ors reaching, shooting the oncoming Green Dragon (no kills as the cover from the cog’s higher barding protecting English sailors from the lower-down French crossbows). This irked the Red Bull who, rowing forwards, shot back, sending two more Frenchmen to the seafloor.
Big Bertha The Sun in Splendour, excited, lumbered forwards seeing the single-one-upmanship, sent its two-pennies-worth in the form of an arrow storm at the Fleury De Lys, wiping out the archers and fancy cannon in the Fo'c's'le as well as laying-low a French MAA.
Seeing the ruckus the French coast patrol skiffs arrived to add their tuppence worth – the skirmishers and cannons card also activating the French artillery along all their ships! These went off to surprisingly good effect – the Saint Dennis & Couronne D’Hors taking an archer and MAA from the deathstar Sun In Splendour, one galley’s “gonne” taking one of the Green Dragon’s (freshly painted) archers and the Etoile D’Ors taking an archer from the Red Bull.
The English skiffs arrived, but shunning these strange, new-fangled cannons from the Orient, they tried the traditional approach of missing everything with longbows.
The Saint Dennis reaching forwards joined the lethal sea-faring-frivolities, feeling the Sun-In-Splendour deserved more punishment (fat shaming I swear) loosed more lethal bolts into the fo’c’s’le (one dead English archer) and stern castle (another archer.)
Unfortunately for the Saint Dennis, it wandered into the sight of the White Hart. From this point on the dice gods (presumably some relation of Edward III’s) decided to favour the English and the Hart’s archery sent French-wards claimed six lives.
With the last card being the poor Tours Blanche, it remained in place, with some commotion breaking out on the deck! This ended turn one and the pleasantries of lobbing ordnance at one another were soon changed for a bloody clash of steel.
Turn 2
French skiffs and “gonnes” had the drop over the English, and along the coast a lot of flashes and bangs could be seen, causing casualties on the Green Dragon (one archer) and White Hart (three Archers). One of the French skiffs drew alongside the Fleury De Lys and a line was tossed to bring the skiff’s crew aboard to replace the losses – taking time in the rolling swell of the sea.
Hot on their counterpart’s heels the English skiffs finally narrowed in their marks, claiming two crew from the Etoile D’Ors – but this was a sideshow as the Saint Dennis decided the nitty-gritty was late in the coming and rammed the White Hart – shunting the English archers in the fighting-top to drown in the sea below, the prow of the French ship tearing damage into the English ship. Archers and crossbowmen traded projectiles, the French downing a billman and the English bringing down a French MAA. The French then successfully rolled to grapple and the fun began.
With 19 Dice from their MAA and two hits from their leaders, the French scored three kills, but in their vigour two MAA fell to their deaths in the charge onto the English deck – backed up against their own rigging, the English fought tooth-and-boathook, claiming one for a draw (units falling overboard count towards enemy kill totals!)
This incensed Steve who promptly had the Imperial Star Destroyer Sun in Splendour collide into the Saint Dennis, damaging the smaller French ship and successfully grappling on. The French sailors had braced themselves in the fighting top and somehow survived the collision. Another round of glorious combat ensued, Steve’s eager lads vaulting over the railing at the impudent French.
Steve scored 14 hits, killing six overall, whilst half the French (having been effectively flanked) turned and scored two kills of their own. Steve’s men proved somewhat too eager forgetting that plate armour makes for substandard floatation aids, and lost three MAA overboard. The French lost by one kill but did score a wound on Harry Hotspur. However, their ship was now largely in English hands and in the following turn they’d have two extra hits on their men in combat!
On my end of the battle, I had the Red Bull flank the Etoile D’Hors, my remaining archers claiming two galley archers. I sent the Green Dragon slamming into the Etoile following up my Rowbarge’s good work, neither ship was damaged but in the preliminary archery exchange, my lads downed two French archers. Another melee ensued with my boys scoring eleven hits turning into seven kills and the French dropping one of my MAA – for two total as one of my blokes wanted to see what colour the fish were. The Etoile was largely in English hands!
The French flagship, seeing the Sun-in-Splendour clash into the Saint Dennis, and seeing the Green Dragon ram the Etoile, decided to join in the affray colliding into the White Hart, claiming two English with bolts from the stern and fo’c’s’le. With yet another successful grapple the English scored eleven hits turning into three kills, but two more Englishmen fell overboard whilst the French landed four hits, for two kills, and lost a man in the drink below for a draw.
The White Lion, seeing the Fleury De Lys darting forward, deciding to get even, colliding with it and dropping three French Archers in the preliminary shooting – The Fleury took damage, sandwiched between the White Hart and White Lion, its crew spilling blood now on two fronts – The English from the White Lion landing six kills and so shocked the opposing French not a single kill was returned. With this victory, the rest of the French on the Fleury were pushed back to fighting at the base of their fore and stern castles, the ship largely in English hands!
The final collision of Turn Two saw the Couronne D’hors -miffed at my Green Dragon’s effort to capture its golden sister galley- collide into my ship, with both ships taking damage. My men turned from their rampage aboard the Etoile D’Hors and landed three kills, a good fellow losing his footing in the blood-slicked decks and slipping overboard – the French scored two kills resulting in a draw.
Safe to say by this point, at the end of Turn Two, the battle was drawing quickly to bloody climax – but there was one last card pull – a bonus card no less! Won by the dastardly English! Naturally, I played it immediately – Special Event! And oh boy, 'twas a grand event to have – A fire it seems had broken out on the Tours Blanche – who, two turns in a row, had rotten luck and was stood dead in the water – now ablaze! They failed to put it out bringing the end of Turn Two.
Turn 3
The French, somehow getting the initiative came up trumps on the first card – a bonus card, but this was somewhat dampened perhaps by the waves or perhaps by the now raging fire aboard the Tours Blanche, now spreading From the fo’c’s’le to the rigging!
The bonus card heralded the next round of combats as superior English numbers made grisly work aboard the line of splintered cogs – and here I began to lose track of kills!
The Green Dragon’s crew, fighting off both French galley crews scored eight kills among the French, whilst the French brought down four of my men – things were looking incredibly ropey for the smaller galleys and the Etoile D’Ors was now “daunted” – the Couronne D’hors standing in the face of such wanton butchery.
The Sun in Splendour’s larger crew at the southern end of the “big cog-scuffle” made their presence keenly felt, killing seven aboard the Saint Dennis, and Harry Hotspur, losing his patience was last seen smashing Cpt Limousin’s face off of an anchor, killing him in the process. Here Steve’s uncanny luck came in and he saved against all French retaliation!
The White Hart’s crew, seeing the bloody havoc wrought on the poor Crew of the Saint Dennis turned to bring their weight to bear on the crew of the Fleury De Lys, hacking them down to a man, including their pungent Cpt Roquefort.
At this turn of events, the French struck their colours and were forced by Andy to capitulate – who was somewhat sternly reminded that “You capitulate when you’re dead!” by Peter Harris.
Three turns and the pride of the French fleet had been butchered and the now infamous 1475 Invasion of France and resumption of the 100 Years’ War could begin!
To finally add insult to injury, we did roll to see if the Tours Blanche managed to get some control of its fire ... it did not!
Think I need to paint myself up a cog now ...
By Austen Kime